Anyone that knows me knows how close me and my brother are. To say he’s my best friend would be an understatement. I have best friends and close relationships with people who know me very very well but Mulenga knows me. Every little part, good and bad.
Don’t get me wrong, growing up, we were like any siblings who’d argue, fight and even send each other (more like me sending him) to A&E. Sorry if you’re reading this mum!
As time went on, I learned that most siblings go through the same things but never talk to each other out of embarrassment, shame or whatever else which is sad because I have a lot of friends whos siblings have gone through challenging times. Their brother/sister wouldn’t speak to my friends but they would happen to speak to me. I’d know that my friend had gone through something similar which they could have helped stop something simply by being open and honest.
Here’s what I’ve learned –
1. No matter how much you fall out, your sibling will always be there for you
I get some siblings can fall out and never make up but in most cases, no matter how difficult things get between you, there’s always a way back. When me and my brother were younger, we could have gone weeks without talking to each other.
Eventually we’d get over it but now I look back I realise we wasted a lot of time. After my dad became ill, I realised how much my brother was there for me. Nowadays, not only would I never let us fall out but I know that even when we argue, he’d be the first person I call should anything happen. We just have an understanding, plain and simple that we’ll always be there for each other.
2. Honesty is the best policy
Yes, there are some topics that are very uncomfortable to talk to your siblings about but I wouldn’t want something to happen to my brother that I know I could have stopped like a baby momma (not that he’d ever do that). I know that if I ever asked Mulenga anything, he’d answer me honestly because I’d be the same with him and that makes it a lot easier to communicate.
3. Someone needs to back you up when things go wrong
We’re not all perfect and we make mistakes but being an older child means you don’t get much slack. Having a brother who’s also your best friend means that when you need something or you’re in trouble, they’ll be the first to back you up. Whenever I mess up or need my parents to hear me out, I send my brother in first to test the waters. I can’t tell you the amount of times he’s saved me from arguments and helped me get my way!
4. One day you’ll realise, you actually like each other as people
My brother is one of the funniest people I know! We genuinely get on as people, to the point where in my final year of uni, I’d drive to Huddersfield once or twice a week to see him. We’d hang out together, go out clubbing and eventually we moved in together last summer.
So many of our friends asked us how we coped, knowing they couldn’t live with their siblings but honestly, it was great. Somehow we didn’t argue. We barely got mad at each other and had some drunken mishaps but we looked after each other and realised we were actually choosing to spend the majority of our time together.
5. Try and deny it but you grow up going through the same things
This links with being honest with each other. I know that although me and my brother are different sexes, we go through similar things from relationships to troubles at home/work.
I’d rather my brother came to me with his questions or problems than anyone else because first of all, not everyone would have his back the way I would and secondly, we teach each other how to handle situations from very different points of view.
6. Your siblings teach you what you’re not willing to put up with
My brother can call me names, fight with me and annoy the hell out of me but he teaches me how I deserve to be treated and vice versa.
My brother treats me like a queen and would protect me from anything and everything he could. He is my biggest cheerleader as I am his and he motivates me every day.
As soon as he met my ex he didn’t like him. There were many reasons in the end but he taught me that whoever I’d date next would need his seal of approval before I went any further.
I know it sounds totally silly but I’m so glad. As soon as he met Sean, he may not have known him well but he didn’t see anything he didn’t like and eventually that came to help when it came to Sean meeting my parents!
I could keep going on and on but the gist of this blog is to show you that your siblings may be your siblings but no other bond will be stronger. My parents know what they see of me at home and on social media but my brother knows who I am at home, when I’m psycho Chik and when I make mistakes. He accepts me for who I am and doesn’t judge.
There’s no one I trust more in this world and being so far away from him makes me really sad sometimes but distance will never change our bond.
Don’t waste the time you have with your siblings and don’t make them feel isolated when you can be their rock as much as they are yours!