Advice,  Lifestyle,  love

Instagram love vs real life love

Isn’t it funny how people look at other couples on social media and assume they have the perfect lives?
I’ve had it plenty of times where people have looked at pictures or Snap Chats of me and Sean and have commented on how cute, happy and perfect are. People have said they wish they had what we have…
I don’t see us as being anything special. Just like any other couple, we argue. We infuriate each other and have down days but that doesn’t mean we love each other any less, we just have to know how to get back to our little love bubble. What a lot of people forget is that you only see what people want you to see on social media. You don’t see all the hard work that goes into getting that imperfectly perfect relationship that works for you so I thought I’d give a few hints and tips on what seems to work for us.

  1. Learn to give each other space
    Now, me and Sean are a bit of an odd couple. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I went a day without seeing him. Some may say we’re clingy but each to their own. We learned very quickly that we like being around each other so if we argue, one of us will remove them self from the situation till it all dies down then we’ll decide whether we need more space or if we’re going to make up and carry on as normal.
  2. Accept you’ll go through your ups and downs but always look forward
    Me and Sean went months without ever really disagreeing. There was a time when I could have never imagined us arguing but long behold, we now argue all the time. The arguments may only be debates sometimes but at first it freaked us out. Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t perfect but when you both know what you want and agree on wanting the same future, arguments/disagreements only last so long. If we argue, I may be mad at the time but nothing changes in terms of what I want so I guess for me, its easier to get over the arguments as I know I’m not going anywhere.
  3. Never go to bed without resolving an issue
    One thing I love about Sean is the fact that very early on we both agreed never to go to bed annoyed with each other and he’s stuck to his word. Life is too short and we’re as soppy as each other but that doesn’t stop me from being stubborn. If someone annoys me, I can happily go a week without talking to them. Sean balances things out in the sense that normally, where I’d have waited to talk things through, he’ll force me to talk before we go to bed so that when I wake up. if anything is still annoying me, we’ll have another chat the next day and then we move on.
  4. Don’t dwell on past arguments
    This one kind of leads on from the previous point. We never have the same argument twice. Have you ever noticed how when you get mad, it reminds you of the last time you felt that mad and you start bringing up petty things from ages ago? Well for us, if we are really resolving an issue then we know it’s done and dusted otherwise we will talk about it till its not an issue anymore. When you start arguing over past things, you never move on.
  5. Lear how to communicate
    This one is probably the most important because if you can’t really communicate with each other then its very hard to follow steps 1-4! Me and Sean are very different, he’s hot headed and a typical man who doesn’t really listen and I like giving the silent treatment when I’m mad. I was reading a blog a month or so ago where someone was giving advice on really listening to your other half. So the way it works, basically, if you say a sentence, the other person will reply with “I heard” and then repeat what they think they heard. You wouldn’t believe how much you can misunderstand each other and sometimes that leads to arguments. Even if we’re just messing around we’ve carried on with that little exercise just because we both know who we are as people and as much as we want the same thing, we need to communicate effectively so that even when we go through our rough patches, we know how to speak to each other without making things worse.

You’ll never see a picture of me being mardy with Sean or him storming out when I’ve told him one too many times he’s a d**k. Hopefully this shows the other side!
Do you find you have any interesting ways that help you and your partner stay Instagram perfect in real life?


  • moodsreflective

    I love this post! It helps me feel even better about my relationship. Oftentimes, when people tell me to “give my boyfriend space”, they’re telling me to do something that isn’t necessary. Our time together hasn’t gotten boring or monotonous for us, so there’s no need to switch our time up unless we personally feel we need to. It was a relief to see that you and your significant other see each other nearly every day, and that you two only separate when it’s NECESSARY. These are all really good things to keep in mind.:) also, you two are absolutely adorable.?

    • chikumo

      Thank you! I’ve come to learn every relationship is completely different and you’re right, do what you feel is right. I miss my boyfriend as soon as he leaves me and can’t wait to see him when he’s done at work but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my own time with my friends. Society tells us too much how we should be but he way I see it, one day we may not be able to spend our time together so I’ll make the most of it now whilst we both want to!

  • Kayleigh (@LittleBAndMe_)

    You two are SO beautiful together,
    I think people assume every relationship they see in a magazine or online is perfect when in fact they are NEVER perfect.
    I struggle with forgetting things in the past but ONLY because they’ve always been such huge issues,
    Maybe its why I’ve been single SO long :O( haha

    • chikumo

      Aww thank you! It’s so true. we ignore the fact that anything online or in magazines is meant to look perfect even if it isn’t.
      Ahh see I think if it’s a huge issue and you can’t move on then that’s for a reason. I used to keep arguments going over silly things but since meeting Sean he gives me a reason not to. Part of me doesn’t want to waste our time together and the other part is him making me talk it out. I think it’s all about the balance

  • Hellocuppies

    I’ve always felt the same about never going to sleep on an argument! I’ll just toss and turn all night if if I don’t sort it first. Great post, it’s nice to see we all have our relationship ups and downs!

  • Rishi Malar

    The third point is something we agreed (16 years before) to strictly follow but to be honest, it is one of the difficult rules to adhere to 🙂 There has been arguments that continued for atleast 3 days minimum 🙂 but as we get older it is definitely getting a lot better!

    • chikumo

      Yeah it definitely is but so far I think because we haven’t had a huge argument, even if something’s brought up it’s only minor. Congratulations on your 16 years! You’re obviously doing something right ?

  • Lisa K

    Your points are all great, especially the communication! This one is HUGE. Especially if the way you think about things is different from your partner. This rings true for me and so communicating is the only way to make sense of our arguments.

  • Matt

    Awesome advice and agree completely. A lot of people struggle seeing the ‘perfect’ lives of others on all social media channels and is more and more becoming a common cause of depression. If you have over 365 friends, the odds are, every day of the year, one of them will be doing something cooler than you. Great post and love the bit about not going to bed without resolving an issue . . . so true.

  • Mercy

    Wise words Chikumo. Learning to communicate by listening more is definitely key, especially if both partners are strong characters who live together. Most of the time, life is blissful, but we’ve had to create time-outs when neither of us wants to back down. And giving each other space to calm down really helps with reconnecting.

  • Globejamun

    Absolutely agree. All points absolutely necessary correct. My most imp: never go to bed without resolving an issue.

  • Niki

    Great points! Especially the “Never go to bed without resolving an issue” one. I always ask my husband no matter how hard we’ve fought to solve it before sleeping and ALWAYS kiss and say I love you. You never know what happens tomorrow, you should forgive and move on before bedtime! x

  • Kasia Mikolajczak (@KasiaMikola)

    You’re so right. We all look at perfect pictures on social media and think everybody has it better than us. And that’s true for relationships. But think about it, people don’t post pics of when they’re arguing or when they’re not getting along so know that nobody’s relationship is perfect and just work on our own instead comparing yourself to others.

  • echoesofhervoice

    You are right. The grass is always greener on the other side, but every relationship has the good, the bad and the ugly. Thank you forr this post!

  • Katchutravels (@Katchutravels)

    Most relationships really dont need to be out there in public. Sometimes travel moments or being at an event is when people want to update the world. I think its a good post that you clarify, since there are many people who strive for perfection in life without realising that life does not need to be perfect

  • abhinav

    Relationships can be tricky and you brought a few valid points here. I have seen people living dual lives, one social and other personal. I never understand, who are they fooling. The reality of your points is what the relationship is all about. Thanks for the post

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