What I Want Out Of A Relationship Lies In ‘The Sack’

This week I’m really excited to have a guest blog from Samm who I met a year ago at an event I spoke at whilst I was in Zambia.

Samm Tembo is a freelance Creative Writer, Content Creator, Blogger, and Aspiring Filmmaker from Lusaka, Zambia.  He loves to read and play Video Games in his spare time. He’s also into Minimalism and Essentialism, and he hopes to adopt their principles as a lifestyle.

Everybody keeps telling me that the dating pool gets smaller in your 30s, which is something that doesn’t quite scare me or put me off in the slightest, as I’m all about quality over quantity; so maybe, just maybe, I’ll find me a quality pool to pick from when I finally hit 30; which is pretty soon, I just won’t tell you by how much, yet lol.

To tell you the truth, I’m not even looking. But I understand how relationships are such a huge part of our lives, they’re almost inevitable; even for such a recluse like me. We’re all looking for some kind of companionship, be it platonic, sexual or romantic. And we’re constantly being asked by friends and family if we’re hooking up or seeing anyone, (Oh, the inevitability of it.) It’s almost inescapable this pursuit for companionship; which is only fair when you think about it, humans were designed to live in a tribe, as Johann Hari eloquently puts it in his book Lost Connections “…Bees evolved to live in a hive. Humans evolved to be in a tribe.” With that being said, it’s only natural that after separating from our native tribes, we go off to form new tribes when we head out to University, leave our parents’ homes, move away for work…

Now, I’m a thinker. Which obviously means I think a lot. I think about the cars I want to drive, the projects I want to work on, the houses I want to own in future and of course, the tribes I want to be a part of: which includes the women I’d like to date. I try to be very intentional about the things I desire, weighing each one carefully. I don’t use Tinder, but I see a lot of beautiful women on my Twitter and Instagram; I look at their likes and interests. I spend time wondering what books they love to read, the TV shows they consume, their favorite wine, that sort of thing. When I’m thinking about a partner, above all else, I’m thinking about the things that make them tick; the physical does have its place, but I think about how their interests might complement mine a lot more. This is usually what my thought pattern looks like when I’m thinking of the kind of partner I would like to engage in a romantic relationship.

Nowadays I find that as I ponder the idea of a future relationship, the type of relationship I want is something akin to a sack race. Yes, you read that right, a sack race. You know, that ancient outdoor fun activity where you get into a sack and hop your way to the finish line. But what do relationships and sack races have to do with each other? You wonder. Well, I think sack races, especially the ones where it’s not just you in the sack, but you with somebody else, are not just fun, but incredibly difficult. It’s bad enough that a sack race on your own is challenging enough, but with someone else, it’s much harder; which I think is a good metaphor for life. Figuring crap out on your own is a trip, and figuring things out for you and someone else, well…

Sack races are fun and a bit unconventional, (Just how I like my relationships.) But they can also be frustrating. There’s a lot of tripping over each other and tripping over nothing at all, (Like a bad horror flick) there’s a lot of tugging and pulling on the sack to make sure it doesn’t fall down, and sometimes one person holds the sack up with a much firmer grip than the other person, but in the end, you’ll both have to cross the finish line together; that’s the only way to complete the race. 

I think it’s incredibly important to pick a partner that compliments you well in the sack, (no pun intended.) Firstly, you’ll need someone open-minded enough to want to want to get in the sack with you (Oh man, lots of dirty jokes just writing themself here.) You’ll need someone you can goof around with during the race, someone that can pull you up and say, “get up, let’s finish this’’ when you trip and fall, even when it looks like everyone has crossed the finish line before you. Someone that will believe in you enough to say, “I’ll wait for you to get up. But we’re gonna finish this thing together even if it’s the last thing we do.” all marks of what a healthy relationship look like, a strong partnership.

In a sack race, you can only move as far as your partner’s movement allows. It’s the ultimate test of team work, patience, perseverance and whether or not you’re committed to having some mindless fun. You’re literally pulling each other’s weight; you have to be incredibly attentive to your partner’s step, (in this case, hop) go too fast and you can send your partner toppling down…leaving them on the floor, which will in turn affect your movement.

I hope you don’t think that I spend my weekends watching sack races on YouTube or wherever people go out to watch sack races. I have very peculiar interests, but I promise you, watching sack races on weekends isn’t one of them lol. To tell you the truth, I don’t even remember the last time I saw a sack race; but I do find from my recollection of them that partners that move at the same wavelength during the race are often less frustrated and make fewer blunders than their cohorts; even if their speed isn’t understood by the spectators. Speed isn’t always the most important aspect of a race, I believe. Sometimes chemistry, communication, direction and a good strategy, is. If you can bring all these aspects together, you and your partner are more likely to have an amazing race. And I guess this is exactly why I’m thinking of any future relationships with sack racing in mind.

You can see more of Samm’s work via –


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