They say your first love is the deepest, the one you never really get over, the one that always has a hold on you. I always thought this was meant in a positive and endearing way but I’ve come to learn that the statement has a completely different meaning so here’s what I’ve learned the second time round.
1. Falling in love the second time round is so much better
The first time, you didn’t choose to fall in love. You never really choose who you love but the second time, you’re more guarded so it takes a lot to let someone in. When that person forces you to let your barriers down it means more because you feel things you never thought you’d feel again (often more intensely) and often you don’t even realise it’s happening. You also know how to handle it better as your emotions aren’t all over the place which makes it that bit more special.
2. You become wayyyyyyy more picky
After your first real heartbreak you decide there are certain characteristics you want or don’t want in a partner. Maybe you look back and think you gave into stuff very easily or you settled. You become a bit more of a savage when it comes to the types of people you date and have around you because you realise, if you meet someone that you really like and want to work towards something long term like marriage, for example, better to weed out all the time wasters straight away than waste your own time.
3. Certain things matter less than they used to
The second time round you find that you’re more chilled in a relationship. Maybe before, you had a list of criteria that perfect man/woman had to hit for them to be “the one”. This time round however, half of those things don’t matter. Your first love teaches you what you as a person want and need in your life, whether your society agrees with it or not.
4. You find a new sense of independence
Even though you find you’re in a relationship again, you’ve spent enough time alone, learning who you are again and what you love so even though you may be with someone, your life doesn’t revolve around them like it may have done the first time round. You can do what you want without feeling guilty. You can go out for drinks with friends, travel and just do you without feeling guilty or like you can’t. What makes it better is that you can also do these things with your partner and they’ll have their own things going on too.
5. Things are just simple
People are always saying how simple things should be when you’re in love. It may have started off that way with your first love but as time went on things started to become stupidly complicated for no reason. Your new found love is so refreshing because things are just. So. Simple! Every text brings a huge smile to your face. If you want to text them once or ten times in a row it doesn’t matter because there aren’t any mind games. You love them for who they are and they love you for exactly who you are (good and bad) which is totally refreshing.
6. It may not work out but that’s okay
The first time your heart was broken, you thought the world was ending. It felt pretty crap but guess what? Against all the odds, you got through it. Your new found love may be “the one” and if that’s the case, fab! If not, it’s alright because you’ll both act like adults to try and make it work and if it doesn’t, you’ll move on and learn from it.
Love is an amazing thing. It can be one of the worst feelings in the world when you lose it but when you find someone that completes you without you being able to understand it, the feeling is priceless.