When I first started talking to Sean, I’d reached a point in my life where firstly, I wasn’t really bothered about meeting anyone and secondly, because I wasn’t bothered, I had no fear in testing a man that showed their interest.
Me and Sean initially began talking virtually. But that’s a story for another blog. Anyway, I knew exactly what I wanted next and what I wanted from a relationship (should I want to pursue one) so I’d come to learn that you need to weed out the time wasters pretty early.
I was brought up to never get into a relationship unless I could potentially see marriage, so in my eyes, the next guy I would pay even the tiniest bit of attention to would see my worth and show it.
Within a few weeks of us talking I’d told him about my hopes and dreams of being the business woman who has it all. “All” being a husband (with his own aspirations), kids and successful career whilst still being young enough to travel and enjoy it all. I can’t remember how long we’d been talking but it can’t have been more than three months and he’d already seen the kind of engagement ring I one day would like. In hindsight, maybe that part could have waited but I used the excuse that either he would be the man I marry, in which case he’d need to know or he wouldn’t be the man I married, in which case, what did it matter?
Most guys are scared to commit and yet I found a guy who no matter how much I tested and tried to freak out, whether it was talking about my protective family or how I was a strong independent woman who didn’t need a man, wasn’t getting scared! We went from sending a message or two per day to texting each other essays all day every day and calling/face timing in between. We’re not much better now!
People build up walls to protect themselves, especially when they’ve been hurt but it’s very clear to see when someone is genuinely interested in you and visa versa. If someone wants to talk to you, they will text. If someone wants to hear your voice, they will call. Most importantly, if someone wants to see you, they will fly to another country to see you if they have too, no excuses!
I am the biggest hopeless romantic there is and I have somehow managed to find someone as soppy as I am but at the same time (maybe it’s his age), I can have mature, adult conversations about marriage, where I want to settle down and what’s expected of me and him from a cultural perspective all whilst having the best bromance ever! A lot of these things would be scary to people that have dated for years never mind months so whats different this time? Sean is… I am dating a mature man that wants the same things in life I do and is willing to compromise on the things he may not totally agree with and so am I.
It doesn’t matter that we haven’t been together long. Being with Sean has taught me that when it’s right, the effort is not one sided. A relationship should be based on love of course but complete honesty, trust, openness and the best of friendships will build the foundation to love.
If they care they will show it. No mind games, no childishness and no selfishness. If you’re having to second guess how they feel then you have your answer. Maybe it’s time to rethink your strategy…